Dating Tips, Fitness Tips, Daily Blog of the TheFitnessPersonals.com

Bounce Back

And… after weeks apart I’m back! This week’s topics? People on the rebound. Questions to ponder: Why do people rebound? What does this accomplish? Will it satiate cravings for fulfillment? Will those rebounding– in this short time attain the picture of happiness sought or will they sink away into the recesses of emptiness, loneliness and wash away the colors of Once? Do these actions become justified or do they provide an X-Ray of your soul?

Leaving the dramatic aside, let’s get to the point.

Breakups are hard, no doubt. They happen for reasons known and unknown and are uncontrollable and inevitable. Both parties are hurt in the matter whether the decision is mutual, singular or impulsive. Some cope in positive ways, others in more questionable ones.

So, how do you deal? Some ask how does one positively deal with these rough times, leaving the negative i.e. binge drinking, blacking out and stalking to more desperate folk? I would say spending time with friends and family is the best remedy one could ask for with many windows of laughter. If you’re more emo and that doesn’t work for you, solitude, reflection and reinvention just may be a good new look.

Rounding back to the questions in paragraph One? Why do we rebound? My take? We rebound because we are flushed with emotions that we cannot control. We cannot navigate the treacherous waters of hard times and broken hearts. I imagine a newly broken-up party on a lone boat on the choppy waters of an angry sea. Where will that boat find shelter, where will it find refuge from an onslaught of cracked hearts and vicious memories that obstruct its path to smooth seas and sunny skies? Well, I would say many will find their message in a bottle… if you know what I mean. Patron induced decisions, following an Aha! realization that the other person will be better off and so will you (!), or perhaps bitter slurs to cover your sadness. Or worse a simple fade out into a drunken stupor, leading you to being comfortably tucked into bed by a pissy friend and awakening fully clothed with the lights on. Which ever you do endure, you will come out with a message of either hope, desperation or surrender.

Next question? What does this accomplish? Rebounding accomplishes very little. If anything it’s a sign of temporary weakness and helplessness or impulsive reaction to the unexpected. Personally I don’t rebound (unless chocolate and vino count!), but for those who do… I feel their pain. Time is a friend and Time is a foe, but every person chooses their hour.

Will it satiate our cravings for fulfillment? Dubious, but who knows. Sometimes relationships form out of rebound hookups. They usually end. Abruptly, too. All is well for a little while, until ZAP! The person realizes the “new” person is NOT the ex. The craving is like a junkie jonzing for a crack fix who tries to soothe his urges with a placebo pill or a crazy coffee drinker trying to replace their morning cups with tea! Laugh, but I kid you not. When it comes to relationships & breakups, the addicted are everywhere; coffee shops, nightclubs, dark alleys or in the comfort of their own homes. Little increments and little highs. For everyone.

This leads us to ask if we will, in this short time attain the picture of happiness sought or will we sink away into the recesses of emptiness, loneliness and wash away the colors of Once? Probably neither. Sorry!! Both are polar extremes that I use only because of my tendency to use ridiculous scenarios, but hey… you never know. Most people just need Time. Time to sort out their thoughts, emotions, ugly realizations and save their most special memories. Weeding out the bad takes time, but I think we are inclined only to take the good in our hearts as immediate memories, storing the vile away in the dark corners. The rest… they are not forgotten, but… they will fall away just as the warmth of a relationship fades like Summer.

Finally, Do these actions become justified or do they provide an X-Ray of your soul? Nobody can justify an action except YOU. Others can call it out, but in the end you are the maker of your life. People may put you down, but life is your canvas and all great portraits have color. Whether that color of your personal life’s X-Ray is monotone greys or streaks of bright fuchsia, you are the dear person to choose. So, heartache and all, paint with passion and do it well. Just keep your eyes forward. Don’t look back.

Blyth

Hola Friends,

Long time no blog! Just a quick note as the anticipated eve of the coming year shines before us! Now is the time to recap on our accomplishments, disappointments, hopes, fears and well, what I think is most important; an outline to what we set before ourselves as future goals.

Everyone has their typical resolutions! Stop the swearing, the smoking, the bottle (!), a life of sin and smoky seduction… OK OK well maybe more just letting go of drinking soda pop and eating fast food and movie theatre popcorn! Sometimes for some, that is a fearful brush with life on the wild side!

For others it is more about letting go. Finding comforts in the gifts of your “present” and focusing on the positive space in your life. Perhaps Thanksgiving and New Years were switched, as you would think eating lots of coma inducing turkey and lounging around giving thanks would come before a nice clean slate (plate?!) of a New Year and that a gratituitous evening of reflection and pondering would arrive just on a day of thanks and praise. Or perhaps they blend into one.

Either way now is the time: To do what has always been wanted or to get moving on a new path. Change is good; it is necessary for the soul. Sometimes the comforts of a cozy nest may strap a bird from heading South, but birds were meant to fly. The armour of fear may be heavy on your back, yet it keeps you aware and grateful for where you came from.

Many have made resolutions, adamant in their efforts. Keeping these self promises are the hard part and not all succeed. I suggest picking up a resolution that you have truly thought about. What is it that you want? How does that fit into your life now or in your life to come? What lengths will you go to get it and will you sacrifice for it? Is it worth all the heat? Take it from me. The end result is always worth it, so long as you feel the fire, the passion I always speak of; the different turns you take will get you there. And *there* is not always where you expect, but always a pleasant surprise, passing through storms and scenic outlooks– inner battles and self development.

Blyth

Happy New Year!

It doesn’t mean you have to eat less!

Now’s the time when baked goodies start popping up everywhere; in the office, at home, at a party, at a work event or in a dream cloud– when you are running furiously on the treadmill like a rat on a wheel, as a doughnut dangles dangerously in the distance. The Rocky theme song blares on a large speaker nearby. I sigh… Yes people, it is THAT time of year. All I can say is that it can be grueling for many to resist or worse binge out on sweetie treats, but the holidays don’t have to be a death wish a la Hansel and Gretel!

Here are some tipz for happy eating this holiday season:

• Easy on the al’kee! (as in alcohol): This can cause binge eating late night. If you can’t control yourself try to keep those dangerous food items out of the kitchen. You’ll be very grateful in the AM. Drinking on an empty stomach is another glowing skull of food advice, as you may be inclined to eat just about anything to sooth those stomach spasms.

• Eat ‘more better’: It makes a difference if you eat a larger portion of something more wholesome, than if you save room and gorge out on desserts. It’s more satisfying to sample a small bit of everything instead of cutting a wedge of cake and then taking the remaining wheel.

• Eat ‘IN’: OK, whatever that means, especially in the city! Translation—eat as normal as you normally do. Staying on track with your usual eating routine will help you to avoid eating much more. Eating out at restaurants and ordering take-out can “invisibly” give into the indulgence of eating more than your average share with results that don’t have the magic of being unseen. Cooking allows for portion control, healthier choices, while preparation and cleanup make it rewarding and worthwhile.

• Listen to your heart, not your stomach: If you have even the tiniest feeling that you shouldn’t be eating too much of something or eating ‘that something’ at all, don’t completely ignore it as being weight obsessed; see it as your intuition raising a red flag and act accordingly. It’s best to eat until you feel satiated, but not intensely full. Let your stomach chill for 30 minutes and see if you’re hungry then. Chances are you may be, but won’t eat as much on Round II. On the other hand, you may be surprised to find yourself completely content.

• Infuse the passion: Cook with passion and pride. Share with others and be thankful for all of the greatness in life, whether in the larger portrait or your own snapshot. One photo can be seen from many angles.

Keep these in mind if you like or try to follow what YOU think is best. If you’re not already, try to incorporate more activity into your days. Walk a little more, come up with new and creative exercise patterns or just focus on leisurely work outs and extracurricular activities that make you feel good. Head into the New Year with happiness and ease!

Happy Holidays…

Blythe

The line that divides

One would think that landing a relationship is the hard part and that from there on in, it’s smooth sailing. I imagine the happy couple, clad in their matching sailing gear with nothing but blue skies ahead. Both with hopeful eyes; scrutinize the scene. Often is the case, but in many relationships these days, becoming “official” is just the beginning! From there you find out each day/week/month/year new things about your partner. You will find out their pet peeves, favorite things, common habits and more importantly their core values. One or none, or all of these may in fact steer you into favorable territory, while others… well, they might just lead you to dangerous waters and dark skies. Cue the lightning bolt.

Core values in a relationship are not something people usually dive right into during the preliminary rounds of dating, or as I would say, swimming for beginners. You may agree to skim the surface, but no one really goes so far beneath where they may go in over their head. However, many adults act childish and could easily forget the importance of safety. I warn all you starry eyed fish now; that it might not be a bad idea to dip your toes in before you dive in headfirst.

Question: Why would I do that? Would I really want to sabotage my new relationship before it even unfolds? I answer this by saying, of course you would not want to purposely ruin something potentially great, but it is important to qualify it as ‘potentially great’. Repetition sounds, but distinguishing whether or not a relationship can be fruitful is so crucial when not just your own, but someone else’s time, efforts and heartstrings are attached.

The problem with waiting to figure all of these things out is that feelings start to get involved and the longer people put things off, the more that complications start to surface, not to mention one may not learn where the line divides unless one waits it out a bit. One should not wait too long, but should not cut off something sooner than necessary. It may seem like a fuzzy grey line, but I believe that the grey line will become black as nightfall and will signify when it is time to call it quits. It is very clear after a certain point in time, the values and future plans that ultimately will separate a couple. For those who do want a budding relationship to blossom, re-assessing or least putting these core values and long-term life plans into focus is recommended. People who are looking for love are so quick to accept a new relationship into their lives, but may not see the portrait thru a larger lens; one that might just show a bleak overall picture.

The good news! I end today’s post by also adding that having different core values may actually work to a couple’s advantage. There is hope on the horizon yet! Countless successful relationships thrive on a balancing act of life views and ideals. Opposites do attract, sometimes it just takes a little cooperation and understanding to find where a couple can simultaneously exist. A strong foundation and true connection would allow for any couple to take on the storm, not just to tread… but to swim.

Blythe

Ask for the ordinary and so you shall receive…

With many dates and endless rounds of questions, saving time becomes essential. Being more creative always helps to avoid uncovering useless information. It’s a date, not a job interview. Always give it a 2nd chance.

Questions to NOT ask: (At least in the first couple of dates…)

1. What do you for work? One can infer a date’s profession based on the conversation and where it veers into. I find that this is intrusive and rude, especially immediately meeting someone. Eventually you will learn their title, but it might not shed light on their personality.

2. Do you want children? No, no, no. Backtrack people. Settle down now! Who asks that? And on the first few dates? Nix the kiddie question.

3. What do you look for in a dating partner? Boriiiinng. This is yawn-worthy material. Spark up the convo with something exciting.

4. What is the last thing you read? Your last read won’t define you.

5. What is the craziest thing you have done? Gee, I don’t think I really would want to know that about someone I just met… Save the bandcamp moments for later.

6. Is the glass half-empty or half-full? Cheesy. And who isn’t going to say ‘half-full’? Buzzkill. If you’re not feeling them, say half-empty!

7. What are your pet peeves? Squinty-eyed I say, don’t say anything that *could potentially describe them*… Caution! Always use caution.

8. Do you believe in chemistry? Hello: Any answer other than YES, we’ve got a problem.

9. You religious? Uh oh. No bueno. Along with politics, this is just a major question to so many; that asking this can open Pandora’s lil’ box of horror. Stray away from the question of religion, unless you met on some religious dating site or something…then it’s sort of unavoidable, I’d guess.

10.  Are you a morning person or a night owl? How does this have any relevance to anything????

Happy dating!

Blythe

“Dwell in possibility.” –Emily Dickinson

Have a question or comment? Email: [nsisti] at [gmail] dot [com].

*This is a re-post from 2007

I Love October!

With Halloween just a few weeks away, why not get creative and carve out some pumpkins? This is a fun thing to do with family, friends or that *certain someone*. Even more fun it is, is to go to the beach and enjoy some sunny fall weather and fresh October air. So whether you’re East Coast or West Coast, invite some friends, make a bonfire, roast some marshmallows and enjoy some cliche beach walk moments. You don’t have to be into Halloween to have fun with this, you can create any carved pumpkin you like. Don’t forget to take some pics! You’ll be sure to make some sweet memories. Definitley nothing scary about that!

Blythe

*Photo provided by M. Langlois from Boston, MA (Thanks Michelle!)

Healthy Tips for Better Eating Habits

E-Z Stuff that helps…

Instead of deciding what foods to avoid and what you CAN’T have in your life, focus on the positive and the things you would like to incorporate into your daily eating patterns. Here are some very easy ways to stay on track!

10 Ways to Make it Easier

• Prepare larger portions: Portion out bulk into small containers to last a few meals

• Always include at least one fruit and one vegetable with each meal: Try and be adventurous and experiment with different kinds. Great snacks are ones that give you energy.

• Drink water with your meals: Aim for as much as you can. Try adding fresh lemon or lime to give a bit of flavor.

• Create meals that satiate and make you feel good: You want to want to eat your meal, not dread it!

• Use “real” ingredients for your meals: Fruits, veggies, eggs, grains and nuts are examples of “real” foods. Anything already prepared will take a long time to thaw, microwave, reheat, etc.

• Find your inner artist: Incorporate color and shape into your meals. It’s exciting, fun and the options are limitless.

• Share: Involving others is an integral part of eating and so should cooking be! Let others sample your hard “E-Z” work.

• Challenge your sweet tooth: Sweetness comes from fruits and veggies! Bake a fresh pie or tart. Whirl up a smoothie or toss a mean salad. You have so many options that will encourage healthy forms of sugary goodness.

• Plan: It’s easy to eat well when you know when you will be eating out and when you won’t. Think of some ideas when you’re out to lunch or dinner and re-create your own version of meals you enjoy. You’ll be sure to cut the calz and up the nutritional value.

• Motivate: All motivation can begin right now. Forget about past eating disasters and take each day as it comes. Before you know it, you’ll have it memorized and when it comes to “dieting” and eating, only happiness will lie in the distance.

Blythe